Make a mental list of all the things you don’t like about yourself, all the ways in which you don’t ‘measure up’, all the ways you ’stick out like a sore thumb’ as compared to others in your life, all the things that make you an odd duck. Collectively, these things are the ‘big stick’ with which you beat yourself up on a regular basis.

You need to lose weight or your hair is thinning. You start project after project, but never finish any of them. Your butt’s too big or you can’t find a job. You go along to get along when you really should speak up. Your car’s a hunk of junk or your house is a wreck. You kick yourself for saying, “Yes,”…again…when you really meant, “No”…and on and on you go. Pretty soon, you have little left to feel good about yourself.

All of that may be true, but what if everything that you see ‘wrong’ with you is hiding something really great? What could possibly be good about not being able to find a job? Or going along to get along?

At first glance, maybe nothing. But I’m asking you to take more than a glance at yourself. Look deep. Look hard.

I believe that for everything that is ‘wrong’ with you, me or anyone else, there is also something very ‘right’ about that thing, and all it takes is an open mind and a different (less self-judging) perspective to see it.

I recently took a coaching client through this exercise. Over the weeks we’d been working together, I noticed a growing list of ‘issues’, let’s say, when she talked about herself. So, one week I surprised her and told her to create an exhaustive list of everything that she saw ‘wrong’ with herself. I told her to leave nothing out - list everything from “I don’t like my hair color” to “I’m unemployed and have no real prospects” to “I’m a quitter”. I told her to have a field day - get it all out and down on paper!

No surprise, the next week she had a pretty long list. She mentioned she’s had all kinds of different jobs over the years, and felt like a quitter because she couldn’t stick to one thing. Having only had two jobs (each lasting 10 years) before I became self-employed, I blurted out, “Wow - you’re so brave!” before I could stop myself.

That stopped her cold. “Brave?!?!!” she said, “how is that brave?!??”

I told her I didn’t know many people who would be brave enough to pick up and find another job when their interest waned with the one they had. I was pretty sure more people would opt to stay (on the pretext of job security, undoubtedly) and complain about their job instead of finding a different one. And the variety in the jobs she’s had - let me tell ya - she’s a Jane of All Trades, for sure! But she’s spent all these years beating herself up for not ’sticking with things’.

So, her homework for that week was to answer the question, “What could possibly be good about _______?” for each item on her list. I assured her that if she looked hard enough, or opened her mind far enough, she would find something good about each thing on the list. I said, “You never know - you might find out that big stick you’ve been beating yourself will turn out to be your magic wand you need to recreate your life the way you want it to be. Stranger things have happened!”

The next week, she had a very revealing list of what’s ‘right’ about all those things she thought were ‘wrong’ about her. Once she had an example of seeing herself through someone else’s eyes, through someone else’s perspective, she was able to look and find many things that were assets at the same time they were liabilities. In her words, “That was HUGE for me!”

“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” - Shakespeare

Once you realize that the only thing that might be ‘wrong’ with a situation is how you’re looking at it or thinking about it, all kinds of possibilities open up for you. So, I challenge you to take the time to do this exercise. It might just turn out to be HUGE for you, too.