Can You Say the X, Y and Z of Your Business in One Sentence?
I’m always striving to improve my business and my website’s reflection of it. Recently, I revamped several pages here to more accurately reflect who I am, what I have to offer and to whom. One of the pages I revamped is my About page. And though I love it, and it’s definitely “authentically me”, I believe everyone can benefit from a fresh set of eyes on their stuff, no matter how good their stuff is already. So I asked Naomi of IttyBiz.com to have a look at it for me and give me any suggestions she might have for improvement.
As the days passed, I grew more and more nervous. As I said, I love my About page. I worked hard on it and practiced all that I preach. What could be so wrong that it’s taking this long for her to make her suggestions? I couldn’t take it anymore, so I emailed her about it. Here’s some (the pertinent part) of the reply I got this morning:
“Here was my problem. I loved your about page. But it wasn’t quite right. So I put on my copy editor hat and thought of all the ways I could mix it up to make it work. And it was a horrible pain in my ass and it kept not working and I was being a real bitch to Jamie about it. Bless him, he said, “When you used to do this for [insert name of evil company I used to be a copyeditor for here], didn’t you always say that if it was hard, you were doing it wrong?”
Jamie’s a f****** genius.
So I sat down again and really thought about it and realized the reason I was having such a hard time was because I was making it hard. If we made the changes I was thinking of making in the beginning, it would lose the YOU factor, and that would be stupid. Therefore, having thought of my objections and the blocks in the copy, here’s what you should do:
- Cut the line at the beginning about “If you got here from Twitter”.
- After the first bit about you’re the person behind vAS and your Twitter ID, add a sentence that says, IN ONE SENTENCE, what you do for a living. Benefit rich. “I help people like X do Y so that Z.”
Then the rest of the back story is interesting and nobody’s reading through it going, “Huh? When do we get to the pitch?”
After I let out a whoop and a holler in celebration, I cut the line she was talking about in #1. That leaves her second suggestion.
Now any of you who’ve worked with me know that I preach knowing who you are, what you have to offer and to whom until the cows come home. And my About page reflects all that – just not in one sentence as Naomi suggests. And she’s right – we ALL need to be able to say it in one sentence. We all need to know our X, Y and Z.
In this case, X is the “to whom” part, Y is the “what I have to offer” part and Z is a 4th, but very important element: the “what’s in it for you” part.
So let’s take mine in pieces, shall we?
X = “to whom” = entrepreneurs like you
Y = “what I have to offer” = create or improve your web presence
Z = “what’s in it for you” = you can use the web to make money doing your thing ? in this lifetime!
Now, let’s put it together:
Hey – how cool is that? It’s 139 characters, including spaces, so I could Tweet it if I wanted to. Extra handy!
Now it’s your turn. Tell me your X, Y and Z and then put it all together in the comments below.
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April 15, 2009
at 7:20 pm
Hey Suzanne,
Great post, and EXACTLY what I needed today. Here goes:
x= women who love to read but are extremely time challenged
y= flash fiction and short stories that can be read in 10 minutes or less
z= an entertaining, but brief fiction hook up without guilt
All together now!
I provide women, who love to read but are extremely time challenged, with flash fiction and short stories that can be read in 10 minutes or less, for an entertaining but brief fiction hook up without guilt.
This was not as easy as it looks, but very helpful.
Djuanna´s last blog post..Prince Opus iPod
April 15, 2009
at 8:45 pm
argh!!!! That’s going to take some doing.
Djuanna´s last blog post..Prince Opus iPod
April 15, 2009
at 8:57 pm
You know I couldn’t go to bed without trying it:
I provide time challenged women with flash fiction and short stories that can be read in 10 minutes or less for an entertaining fiction hook up without guilt.
29 words
131 characters according to my desktop widget
Woohoo!!!
Djuanna´s last blog post..Prince Opus iPod
April 16, 2009
at 8:46 am
Great challenge, Suzanne! I love the concept. Because my business has 3 segments to it, all of which are related, this really IS challenging for me.
Let’s see what I can do with it. (A long time ago I went through a similar exercise but maybe it’s time to tweak it again. Or not.)
x = people who are up to something good; spiritual, smart, visionary, creative people who long to make a special contribution to the world in a profound way
y = soul-based coaching services, eco-friendly products and tools, and inspiration
z = you get to live in joy and prosperity while being 100% yourself
So. Can I put this together in a short package? Stay tuned. I’ll be working on it!
Nancy Boyd´s last blog post..Archangels To The Rescue
April 16, 2009
at 5:49 pm
Hey Nancy!
Thanks for participating! I’ve mulled yours over all day long and here’s what I’ve come up with:
I help people who are up to something good to live authentically in joy and prosperity with soul-based coaching and eco-friendly products.
(This is really an X-Z-Y configuration, but hey – sometimes grammar and syntax must prevail!)
What’cha think?
April 16, 2009
at 6:28 pm
I just had to give this a try—thanks to Djuanna!
I offer women personal & career management services through Positive, Easily Applicable Know-how so they can Work It, Girl! 19 words. 123 characters with spaces, 105 characters without.
April 16, 2009
at 7:13 pm
Hi Pamela! I’m so glad you came over to participate! (And Djuanna’s just pretty darn cool, isn’t she? I think so!)
Great job being succinct! However, I’m wondering what “positive, easily applicable know-how” really is.
So…I went to your website and then through to the Work It, Girl book site and got a lot clearer. So, if I may be so bold as to offer the following suggestion, I’d love your feedback:
I help women become more effective by teaching them how to use their skills, talents and abilities to get what they want and Work It, Girl!
(139 characters)
When I look at your services page, there are a LOT of different things there, but in my mind, they all boil back to being “how” you do what you do. You model it, you speak it, you write it and you advise it – but in the end, what I gathered is that you’re all about teaching women how to “Work It, Girl!” and get what they want in life.
Yes? So, I say just say it! Put it out there like that! Work it, girl!
(And please, if I’ve got it all wrong – feel free to tell me to shut up already! LOL)
April 16, 2009
at 9:26 pm
Hey, Suzanne!
Great post and a great challenge! Here goes:
I help moms of challenging kids make discipline easier and effective so that they can enjoy their kids and be guilt-free.
Howz that?
Karen
Karen´s last blog post..The Hardest Job You?ll Ever Love
April 17, 2009
at 9:02 am
Hey Suzanne! That’s pretty amazing. When it all boils down, you did get the essence of it. Thank you so much for your time and thought. I love the new wording
Nancy Boyd´s last blog post..Archangels To The Rescue
April 17, 2009
at 12:15 pm
Perfect! I am not married to that fuzzy part. It was something I recently used elsewhere and it made perfect sense there—I swear.
Your version is actually very close to what I have been using all along so thanks for helping me confirm that I should continue using it. This exercise and your feedback will help me move forward with a couple projects I have been slow in developing, one of which is re-arranging my web site to be more effective.
This type of info is exactly what I like so I am hanging around. At lunch, I told a friend who needed focus all about this and am forwarding to her as well. Gotta go so I can Work It, Girl!
April 20, 2009
at 1:18 pm
Somebody tell my wife I followed directions for once! The order was challenging for me. This might still have a high NLF “nebulous language factor”or maybe it speaks perfectly well to the people looking for me. Here ya go:
Transform Communications guides “clarity-challenged” companies to eliminate the Cost of Confusion, connect authentically with their critical audiences and increase success by every measure.
If the NLF is too high, then maybe I need one for each of my practice areas and/or target clients.
Thanks for the attention to discipline!
April 21, 2009
at 3:48 pm
Rich,
I think yours is an example of using language as a filter to ensure that the right people resonate with you – so I don’t think there’s a big NLF going on.
So, thinking algebraically, I should be able to identify your X, Y and Z from it.
X = ?to whom? = “clarity-challenged” companies
Y = ?what I have to offer? = eliminate the Cost of Confusion and connect authentically with their critical audiences
Z = ?what?s in it for you? = increase success by every measure
Yup – I think you’ve got it! Great job!
(And I won’t tell your wife!)
April 21, 2009
at 3:50 pm
Well, as I come down from my catastrophic rush of (OMG, I can’t do that! It’s too focused and how do I not exclude any future interested parties in my service?) I came up with an idea to attempt to include any future Focused interest. So here goes.
I virtually assist savvy, creative individuals make time… to be more savvy and creative!
As I read this now I wonder, How do you assist them? that is what I can’t write or am blocking in this process. It just doesn’t seem to me that I can add any one service here and not the others…
I would like to add here that I am always willing to take constructive criticism, I have a tendency to not see beyond my own viewpoint without assistance sometimes…Help
I wish I would have thought of *Work It Girl!*…That is fantastic!
Casie´s last blog post..How do I know I am getting Value from My Virtual Assistant?
April 22, 2009
at 1:01 pm
Casie,
I can’t believe it. It must be fate. As I read your attempt I had my own OMG moment. I have been seriously considering getting myself a
v-assistant! My problem: I am time-constrained and need to spend more time on writng and speaking than on the prep, prelim, and follow-up. So, although I hope we can connect personally about that, I also think I can help with your X, Y, Z.
How about starting with this building block of an idea and then
Work It, Girl!
I provide virtual administrative services to creative people who want more time to create.
Does that get your creative juices flowing a little?
April 22, 2009
at 3:40 pm
Pamela,
I am so glad to have some feedback on my attempt. I find it to be a virtual blessing! I am not exactly *Open for business* as of today but, amazingly enough I am set to open the doors next week! I feel that you would be a great match to the type of person I am looking to work with: savvy & creative:). If you decide to seriously look into a VA I would be happy to call you *my client*!
For the X, Y & Z Slogan I think that you nailed it and definitely got the essence of where I was heading. I am going to give it another go in an individual format…
X: Savvy, creative Individuals
Y: Virtual assistance services
Z: Give them more time to be creative
Offering virtual assistance services to savvy, creative individuals who desire more time to be creative!
…I believe I may have just worked it:)
I like this one and it doesn’t necessary Exclude anyone I would want to work with.
Casie´s last blog post..How do I know I am getting Value from My Virtual Assistant?
April 22, 2009
at 7:19 pm
Casie,
You DID! You worked it, girl! When you are ready to start discussing a possible client, visit my web site link above and send me a note.
Best of luck!
April 23, 2009
at 12:08 pm
These used to be called elevator pitches and ProBlogger had also covered the same topic recently. I am not a big fan of 140 characters (though you have done a good job of describing yourself here).
I would use the 139 characters as first paragraph and than elaborate more to drive the point home.
Jeet´s last blog post..Free Directory List
April 15, 2009
at 7:41 pm
Hey Djuanna! Great job! And thanks for participating!
Now – here’s the hair-pulling challenge: Can you mash this into 140 characters or less?
April 15, 2009
at 9:07 pm
You rock!
Here’s the one I came up with – very close to yours (but then great minds think alike, eh?!)
I provide extremely time-challenged women with flash fiction and short stories for an entertaining but brief fiction hook-up without guilt.
139 characters including spaces
April 17, 2009
at 9:06 am
Hey Karen!
Having been on the receiving end of what you do, here’s what I’d say you do:
I help moms of challenging kids learn an effective parenting method that eliminates mommy guilt so that they can truly enjoy motherhood.
What you do encompasses so much more than discipline, and allows me to not only enjoy my kids for who they are (and see their challenging qualities as forces for good, not evil!), but the whole experience of being a mom is better. Of course, I’m biased because you’ve helped me so much with my wild bookends, but truly – I have so much less mommy guilt these days and feel so much more capable of being the fierce, protective, empowering, unconditionally loving warrior mom I want to be.
Don’t be afraid to blow your horn, woman! You ROCK!