Because You Choose To, Not Because You Have To
Mar 9th, 2008 | By Suzanne | Category: Accountability, Workshops | |Would that we could do everything we do in life because we want to, not because we have to, huh? But I wonder - where are the ‘have to’ things coming from? As adults, who’s in charge of us, bossing us around, telling us what we ‘have to’ do?
No one.
Every day we make thousands of choices, many of them automatically. We say we ‘have to’ go to work, when in fact we don’t have to. But we go, more often than not, because we choose not to live with the consequences of not going to work. But we’ve still made a choice, no matter how automatically.
If you’re unhappy with your life the way it is, may I suggest taking a look at those things you ‘have to’ do? Look at everything you do because you ‘have to’ and ask yourself:
- Who says I have to do this?
- What happens if I don’t do this?
- Why do I have to do this?
- Who am I being when I do this?
- What are my other choices?
- Where did this come from?
- Who will come unglued if I don’t do this?
- How did this become a ‘have to’?
Question everything. ‘Why’ it to death. If you don’t do it, does your life improve or deteriorate?
You don’t have to feel like a victim or like your life is set in stone. You can exercise the choices you have in a conscious way. Maybe you’ll continue to do many of the same things as before, maybe you’ll make many of the same choices, but one thing will change: your perspective.
It’s a whole lot more empowering to say, “I choose to…” than “I have to…”.
And a whole lot more truthful, too.
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See Also:
- Your Choices in Setting Personal Boundaries
- Exercise Your Conscious Intent
- What Are You Tolerating?
- You Can Get Glad In the Same Shoes You Got Mad In
- Do You Know What You Want?
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March 10th, 2008 5:19 am :
This is a solid reminder for us to not only be consciously aware of our choices but also to watch our language. It’s often this kind of obligation-like language that creates limits our vision.
The possibility language you suggest here, beginning with those powerful test questions, helps us to pause and remember who’s really in charge.
Tom Volkar / Delightful Work’s last blog post..Unconditional Support - Ever had it? Want it?
March 10th, 2008 7:07 am :
I love it! When I hear the phrase “have to,” my default response is: “Really? Will the Sun keep rising if we don’t? Will the Earth keep turning?”
I think sometimes there’s an odd kind of self-importance attached to “have to.” Truth is, there is nothing we do that is indispensable - not really. The Earth WILL keep turning if we take a day off, don’t do the laundry, leave the dishes in the sink, don’t call our mother, etc.
I totally agree with “question everything!” It’s how we get to our own Truth!
Blessings,
Andrea
March 16th, 2008 3:34 pm :
I choose to give up wheat and it’s so much nicer than thinking that I have to. It gives me the freedom to enjoy a piece of toast if I really want to without feeling guilty. It also puts me in a position of empowered choice.
Great article thanks for the insights.