For every choice we make, there are consequences. That’s true for us, our kids, our spouses, our friends, our bosses, our employees - everyone. No one is immune. One of the toughest learning curves we face in life is dealing with consequences - ours and the ones those we care about create. Let me give you an example - and this is a pretty simple situation compared to many situations we face in life.

I, like many of you, had the darnedest time getting my kids to get and keep their rooms clean. For years, this was a constant battle in our home. They had every excuse in the book and I was too busy or tired to deal with it most of the time. I wanted a clean and orderly home, but didn’t want to have to put up with all the drama to get it. For a long time, I cleaned their bedrooms myself when I couldn’t stand it anymore.

Then I realized I was bearing the consequences (cleaning up after kids perfectly able to do so themselves) of not requiring them to pick up after themselves while trying to avoid the consequence (drama) of enforcing my rules. So I stopped trying to avoid the drama and required them to clean their rooms themselves. All that did was turn up the volume of their drama and make me feel even more unappreciated and resentful. I could see I was caught in a vicious circle. I needed a way for them to have consequences for not cleaning their rooms, not me. And I needed the message to be one of responsibility and accountability, not just ‘don’t make Mom mad.’

So I introduced them to ‘Cleaning Jail’. One Saturday morning I sat their little butts down and told them in a very calm, cool, matter of fact way that the drama over cleaning their rooms was over. They had to clean their rooms and all requests to play outside, go to a friend’s, watch TV, etc., would first be answered with the question, “Is your room clean?” If the answer was no, then that was the answer to their request, too. Being able to say yes to, “Is your room clean?” didn’t guarantee a yes answer to their request, but it did allow them to know what was required to make the request in the first place. One of them retorted, “This is like being in jail!” He unknowingly coined my ‘Cleaning Jail’ phrase for me.

Further, I informed them that if their rooms were not clean by Monday morning when they left for school, then I would clean them. But, if I cleaned them, then anything that was out of place or on the floor would be confiscated and held in ‘Cleaning Jail’. Bail would be set in chores. If dirty laundry was all over the floor, it would be picked up, laundered, and instead of returned to them, would be bagged and held. Toys, books, possessions of any kind would have the same fate. The items would only be returned after they completed chores of my choosing. No items would be replaced, even if all the rest of their clothing was confiscated. They would have the option of bailing out a load of clean laundry that evening or going to school the next day in the same clothes.

You can imagine the looks on their faces. I actually had to work hard not to laugh out loud! I spent the rest of the weekend watching with amusement as they set about cleaning their rooms…or not.

Sure enough, come Monday morning, I had a room to clean. And I followed through on what I’d said. When all was said and done, pretty much everything in the room except the furniture had been sent to ‘Cleaning Jail’. My next task was to write up an inventory of the property confiscated along with a list of chores to be completed for ‘bail’. When school let out, I had three jaw-dropped children - the one whose room I’d cleaned, and the other two in amazement and gratitude they’d cleaned their room. It took about a week, but finally all the property was bailed out. Now, when I tell them, “Clean your room, or I will,” they know exactly what will happen if I clean their room, and they scurry to get it done.

I have one who still, to this day, will every six months or so elect not to clean the room. No skin off my nose, though, because I keep a list of ‘bail chores’ ready. Yes, I have to clean a room, but I get so many ‘bail chores’ done as a result, it’s worth it. Better yet, the battle is no more because the consequences belong to the right person and I don’t feel any resentment about it anymore.