You’ve got an unruly dog who jumps on everyone who comes through your door, chews your shoes and can’t be outside without a leash unless you want to chase it all over the neighborhood. It just won’t listen or behave, so you decide to take it to obedience classes. Enough is enough, you’re thinking, and you’re gonna fix this dog’s problem once and for all.

After a few classes, you realize it’s not the dog they’re training - it’s you! Whoa! They’re training you to set boundaries, be consistent, quit sending mixed signals, allow natural consequences and reward the behavior you’re after. Your dog benefits because now he can understand you, he knows ‘no’ means ‘no’, not ‘well, ok, just this once cuz I’m too tired’ and he gets treats and lots of positive attention for being the good doggie he really is.

And so it is with the people in our lives. We ‘train’ them how to behave with and toward us, too. So if we’re not getting the behavior we want or expect, maybe it’s time to set boundaries, be consistent, quit sending mixed signals, allow natural consequences and reward the behavior we’re after.