Operating On A ‘Need To Know’ Basis
Jun 16th, 2008 | By Suzanne | Category: Self-Care | 184 views |
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For a long time, my ‘need to know’ was the driving force behind everything I did, because the more I knew -> the less surprises there were -> the more secure I felt, in general -> the happier I was. I found it hard to rely on others because I couldn’t ‘know’ they’d follow through like I ‘knew’ I would. I asked a billion and one questions and analyzed everything to death and back again, always trying to avoid the kick in the pants I always felt like was waiting around the next corner.
When we look outside ourselves for our sense of security, our desire for control becomes exaggerated, often without us recognizing it. We want to control as much as possible about our environment, situations, and people in our lives. We need people to act in a certain way, or comply with our wishes so our sense of order about our lives is maintained. To us this seems normal, a small thing to ask: just do what you say you will do; just be straight with me so I know the lay of the land here. Most people want that, it’s just that we NEED it in order to function well – until we find our security from within, that is.
In this mode, we do and do and do for others, and feel largely unappreciated throughout, wondering why? While all the while those we are ‘doing for’ feel ordered around, treated like babies without brains, robbed of their choices and all manner of other negative things which do anything BUT foster a sense of appreciation for us on their part. And while we’re doing all that clean up for them, they’re not bearing any of their own consequences.
Today, because I ‘know myself’ better and better, I don’t feel the ‘need to know’ everything else in the world. I’m not afraid of what’s coming anymore, because I ‘know’ me and I know what I can handle, what I will tolerate, what my needs are and what is non-negotiable. Today, my security comes from within and I’m operating on a completely different ‘need to know’ basis.
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See Also:
- Who’s Driving YOUR Bus?
- Ask Better Questions
- Exercise Your Conscious Intent
- Square Pegs and Round Holes
- Pick One and Look at the Rest
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June 17th, 2008 10:53 am :
Suzanne, great article. It describes how I used to be. Delegating responsibility, allowing someone else to help me was never in my plans either because I could depend upon them to let me down since they couldn’t possibly do it, whatever it was, as good as I would. It really was arrogant to feel that way. It took me a few years in recovery to recognise it and then a few more before I stopped the behaviors. Life really is much better now. So are my relationships, most of all the relationship that I have with myself.
Patricia – Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworkers last blog post..Quit Playing Small And Insignificant
July 10th, 2008 2:31 pm :
Great post, one of my students sent it to me (I train life coaches for a living.) As we were discussing different “maps of reality” and how that affects control. Because we all operate from different maps of reality, it becomes very hard to “control” what other people do, think, put as a priority for them. The way I would draw my map of california, would look not look the same as you would draw your map of California. And the map, is not the territory. Meaning either of our maps are simply an interpretation of what California is. Our own subjective experience. So simply a thing like “completing a project together successfully” or “having a successful relationship”, is hugely affected by our maps. What is a succesful project to me, may not be to you. What a relationship is to me, is not the same for you. In the end it is just being having a good map of yourself within, and being able to meet someone in their map of the world.