I was watching a favorite movie the other night (Moonstruck, starring Cher and Nicolas Cage) and a line jumped out at me and made me think. For those of you who’ve seen the movie, it was in the scene when Olympia Dukakis (who plays the Cher’s character’s mother) was being walked home by John Mahoney [...]

It’s spring break this week for my kids, so they’re home and any form of a schedule has gone completely out the window. Last night, my daughter asked if her friend could spend the night, and I agreed, mostly because she’s bored out of her skull and the weather has turned rainy and cold. At [...]

All those years, while I was so busy putting out fires caused by others’ choices, all I wanted was for them to be responsible for themselves. I wanted them to care enough about themselves to make better choices for themselves. But I was the pot calling the kettle black.
Where was their example of setting healthy [...]

When setting personal boundaries, you have to decide what action you will take if the other person displays unacceptable behavior. To effectively decide, you have to own all your choices. This means giving up the victim role and getting rid of all the “have to”s in your vocabulary and thinking.
To see just how pervasive the [...]

Letting go of the outcome in any situation is easier said than done, for most of us. Let me be clear, though - letting go of the outcome does not relieve you of your responsibilities in life. Letting go of the outcome means that you do your part to the best of your ability, understanding [...]

One of the biggest misconceptions the people I’ve worked with have about setting boundaries is that it is just another name for manipulation. In fact, when I was first beginning to learn how to set personal boundaries, I, too, thought setting boundaries was about manipulation, making threats and issuing ultimatums.
It’s easy to see why I [...]

If you feel used all the time…you might have a problem with boundaries.
If you can’t say ‘no’ without feeling guilty…you might have a problem with boundaries.
If other people are driving you crazy…you might have a problem with boundaries.
If you have a hard time asking for what you want and need…you might have a problem with [...]

You’ve got an unruly dog who jumps on everyone who comes through your door, chews your shoes and can’t be outside without a leash unless you want to chase it all over the neighborhood. It just won’t listen or behave, so you decide to take it to obedience classes. Enough is enough, you’re thinking, and [...]

Each of us has a list of events or circumstances for which we’ve predetermined our responses, so sure that no matter the situation, we’ll follow through and protect the lines we’ve pre-drawn in the sand.
For each of us, there is another list, created from the first, of said events and circumstances which life has dropped [...]

If I’ve made a recurring mistake in relationships over the course of my life, it has been trying to “fix” other people. Interestingly - to “fix” something implies that it was broken before you got hold of it - and who decides what “broken” is?
Of course, I did not consciously enter into these relationships with [...]