Tell Me What’s True for You
May 17th, 2008 | By Suzanne | Category: Poll |
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I had a rather interesting discussion with a coach friend of mine this evening. We were discussing life and the obstacles we all face, the things that get in our way when we’re trying to create happiness and fulfillment in our lives. We agreed that, for each of us, the obstacles we face change as we grow. And sometimes they come back around again.
I’m curious…
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May 22nd, 2008 2:10 am :
Hey Suz,
At first it was a toss up between “getting my needs met” and “figuring out what I want” til i thought about it for a minute … but “getting my needs met” really is the hardest part cause I’m always doing for everyone else and I tend to believe that others are not like me … I think of everyone else long before I do myself cause thats the kind of person I am … and somehow I know that I have got to get myself back without feeling so guilty for wanting something just for me.
May 22nd, 2008 7:04 am :
Lisa,
Maybe it’s an equal mix of both? It is inordinately difficult to “get your needs met” (i.e. get what you want) if you are having trouble “figuring out what you want”. Sometimes we claim we don’t know what we want because we have so little belief we’d ever actually get it, we cut our losses up front and say we don’t know.
It’s good that you recognize your tendency to put others first, because if you don’t know you seem to always do that, then how can you ever hope to do anything different? Awareness is the big, huge, first step! So congratulations!!
Now…what are you going to do with that insight?
Suzanne
May 22nd, 2008 6:31 pm :
It was a toss up for me but I had to go with taking action and deciding what action to take. Although at times I can make quick direct decisions. Often times I start to wonder how it will affect others but because of what they will think. It almost like pulling teeth at times and it makes decision making almost painful. Although others can not imagine the struggle I go through, I tend to go with the consideration of others before mine and that will determine my action. I wonder if that even makes sense. For instance I was torn between mentioning something to my boss yesterday but I was and still am hesitant because I know that the question I ask will also be reflective of her actions this week. I am concerned about how she will take it. So do I bring my question up or do I just let it be? What action do I take?
Sheila
June 2nd, 2008 5:26 pm :
Hey suz,
Oh how i know about always putting myself on the back burner, and I realize that its just the easy way out … but I feel that i could say what i want for me all day long but its like you say … we have so little faith that we are actually going to get what we want … and it never happens … we tie ourselves up into our families or whatever else is going on in our lives and never put ME first …
Sometimes when i just sit and think about ME and what I really want … it feels so far away but yet so close i can just touch it … but making it a realization seems like it can always wait til another day when my kids get grown or whatever excuse that can be used to just not do for ME …
How do you really figure out how to get there ??? You dream it … You visualize it … but it always seems to be just beyond your reach …
So … How do I really get there ? Do I wait til the kids are grown and gone or my life is not chaotic ? I just don’t know where to go from here …
Lisa
June 2nd, 2008 6:36 pm :
Sheila,
Sometimes the line between what we think we know about a situation (or an opinion we hold about it) and what we don’t understand about a situation gets blurred, so when we try to ask the question, it feels full of assumption. I’m guessing that’s what’s making you concerned about how your boss will take your question, if you ask it.
The best advice I can give you, without knowing more specifics, is base your question solely on your needs and try to let go of what you think you know about your boss or the situation.
For example, let’s say your boss is asking you to participate in a project already underway, but doesn’t fill you in on what’s happened to date or what’s been accomplished so far. That leaves you feeling very lost, and at quite a disadvantage, to say the least. You want to do a good job, but feel like you haven’t been given the information you require to do so, and maybe even feel like you’ve been shoved into the pool and told to ’sink or swim’. Like it’s a test, maybe.
Ask your question, but phrase it in a way that addresses your needs but does not drag into play your opinion of what your boss did or how he/she did it. For example, say, “I want to do my best on this project, but I need more information than I have at the moment. Would you sit down with me and give me a quick overview of what’s been done so far and what the goals of the project are so I can hit the ground running?” Notice there is no mention of how you feel about his/her actions, methods - nothing to take offense to, yet is direct and, if answered, would give you what you need.
Suzanne