Probably one of the most difficult things to learn is how to stay in control of yourself when you’re faced with a confrontation or crisis. We’ve all been there and we all have experienced less than favorable results from “losing it” by blurting out something we wish we could take back, or responding with a knee-jerk reaction to whatever is going on.

While there are many things that can help us remain in control of ourselves, asking myself this one little question has made the most immediate difference for me in these kinds of situations:

“If I’m out of control, and they’re out of control, who is in control here?”

As soon as I think to ask myself this question, I can readily see that I’d better get a grip on myself…and quick! This little question stops me short and allows me the few seconds I need to take a deep breath and examine what is really going on.

The intention of this question is not to position yourself to manipulate others. Instead, its purpose is to prevent escalation and buy you time to think more clearly.

“If I’m out of control, and they’re out of control, who is in control here?”

Try it the next time you find yourself in a heated debate or chaotic situation. It really works!