One of my favorite sayings these days is, “You can get glad in the same shoes you get mad in.” I say it to myself as much, if not more, than I say it to others because it’s such a great reminder of a simple truth: I am in charge of how I feel.

Much like the “I can’t help it, that’s just the way I am” discussion from the other day, we can’t really get away with saying, “I can’t help it, that’s just the way I feel,” either.

Nuts.

We are responsible for how we feel, too?

Yup. Whether we like it, or not - we are. How we feel is our deal. Not someone else’s. Whenever we say, “You make me feel…” we’re actually telling a whopper. No one can make us feel anything, really. We choose how we feel, and how we feel comes from how we think about a thing, and who’s doing our thinking for us? We are. Ugh.

We can choose to take responsibility for our thoughts and feelings, or we can choose to put the responsibility for our thoughts and feelings off onto other people, events or circumstances. One choice gives us options, the other gives them away.

The trick is recognizing what we do and don’t have control over. We don’t control other people, places, events or circumstances. Sorry, but we don’t. So requiring any of those things to change so we can feel differently leaves us stuck.

But we don’t have to be stuck. You can get glad in the same shoes you got mad in. You can still feel great even when someone cuts you off in traffic, when your boss is being a jerk, when your kids don’t want to behave and when your spouse comes home in a bad mood. It’s all about where you put your focus and attention. Put it on things you can’t change - then yeah, you’re going to feel frustrated and upset. Put it on things you can control (hint: how you respond to all those things) - then hey, you can have a great day in spite of it all!